New Paint

It's interesting how life works sometimes.

As you can tell from previous posts, I went through some hard times recently. I thought it would've taken a lot longer to get over. But, I've been praying a LOT for strength to move on and to get over it. I half expected myself to take a LONG time, again. Last time, I thought I was over and done w/ it, and that was over 3 years ago. But then it came out of the woodwork and threw a fast one at my face! So naturally, I figured it would take a while again. Well, w/ fervent prayer and family and friends to talk to, it's been so much easier! In fact, I'm so over the whole thing and frankly quite upset over it, that I've built the bridge and am SPRINTING over it.

Of course it was over a stupid boy... yes boy! Luckily, I have a super awesome friend, Carrie Belle, that has been wanting to set me up w/ some guys she knows. She moved to Orem a few months ago and we have since reunited. She is married and has a little girl now, but has quite a few single friends... yay for me! Well, the one she was talking about for a while, was a missionary in her old ward, in Maryland. Our schedules have been busy so we haven't been able to meet up and have him there too. She later told me about two other boys, last week. She said that they are brothers to one of her friends/ mission companions. She wanted to have a dinner and invite these two brothers and me. I thought, at first, that would be kinda awkward for them since they'd both be there for me. Great for me, but weird for them. :) Well, I almost thought it wouldn't happen for a while, because again, my schedule has been packed over the weekends lately. Which is way weird, since that pretty much never happens! Anyways, one thing dropped off my schedule and created an opening. Last night was the dinner! We had it and her friend's house w/ her husband and two kids, Carrie and her husband, Hector, and their baby, Isabella, the two brothers and me.

We talked for a little while and then had dinner. Talked more during and after. We eventually moved back into the living room and continued talking. I am so shy when I meet people. I'm sure as you are reading this, you're like, "What? Leo, shy?" I know! I really am shy though. It takes me a little while until I'm not shy, and then once I know you and feel comfortable, there's no shutting me up. :) Anyway, I didn't talk too much. I was involved in the conversation of course, but I was mostly listening, and playing w/ the kids. Which is what the older brother, David, was doing as well. The younger one, Bob, left after dinner.

I'm not gonna lie, I was looking at David all night. I think he's cute and seems really cool. He asked me a few questions through the night, but we really didn't talk. It got late, so we finally decided to leave. We said our goodbyes and he left too.

Carrie went to talk to David at his car, while I got into ours. She asked him, "So nothing? No interest?" He said, "No, I am! I don't know what happened." Apparently he was nervous and shy too. He told Carrie that he's shy in group settings.

As we were driving me home, we talked about the evening. I told Carrie beforehand that I was gonna be shy and nervous, so it wasn't that much of a surprise on my side. Hector said there was definite interest from both of us. So true! Hector said that David was looking at me all night, when I wasn't looking. I was doing the same thing. He also said that David stayed for me. Because as soon as we said we were leaving, David got up to leave too. If he wasn't interested, he would've left earlier.

Carrie planned for us all to go to the "Haunted Forest" in American Fork, on Thursday. I was excited 'cause that's a perfect opportunity for me to hang on David, w/o it being too weird. Hahaa! But I hear that's why guys go to haunted houses w/ girls. ;) I'm excited to see how it works out! I'm so twitterpated right now! I really hope that this time we'll be able to talk and get to know each other a little more.

The point of the story, I almost forgot, was that even though life seems like it's never gonna stop being hard, and like you're stuck in a deep whole, w/ no way to get out... All of a sudden, it gets easier and a rope is thrown down for you to climb out. I say a rope, because you still have to work your way out. As you do, you get stronger and smarter so you don't do it again. Life sucked for the last month. But this one night, after I decided to get over the past, made my day. It was like sanding off the old paint and then putting a fresh coat on. W/o being able to see it anymore, the old color of the paint will be forgotten and only the new one will be remembered or thought about. Be strong, be happy, and find the joy in your life!

Work schedules

I just realized today that my work schedule for Wednesdays and Thursdays aren't "ideal." I work Wednesday nights @ CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) until close, meaning I won't get off 'til about 10pm. Thursdays I work @ the DC (Distribution Center) from 7am-4pm. Basically, I come home and then have to go to sleep, only to wake up about 5 hours later. I know that there are tons of people in the world that don't even get that much sleep, but since I haven't been working as much as I used to, the lack of sleep this one night a week really sucks.

Luckily, I make it through the day just fine, but as soon as 4pm comes rolling up, I start winding down. Last week, I came home and took a 2 hour nap. I was supposed to go do errands w/ Emily and Pohai, but instead I crashed.

Oh, and P.S. I just got another shift added to my schedule @ CPK, so I will now have one night and one day! Woo-hoo! Thanks Melissa! Now, I will have 3-4 shifts a week between my jobs. I used to have 4 shifts @ CPK and 3 shifts @ the DC. It looks like I worked 7 days a week, but I only worked 6. I miss those days. Mostly because I was busy and I didn't have time to whine so much. :) But, mostly I miss it 'cause I made more money, so I could better pay my bills! Those were "the good ol' days." Now, I just sit around @ home and play on the computer or couch potato it up. Lame, I know. That's why I decided to start a blog. Keep me "ocupado" a little longer. Ooh, if you have any ideas about things I should blog about, hit a sister up! I'd love ideas on things to write about. I secretly enjoy writing, but I don't do it as much because I think you need to be a completely AMAZING writer to be worth reading. Oh well, you're stuck w/ me. :) Until next time my dear friends... "this concludes our broadcasting."

Be strong, be happy, and find the joy in your life!

From under...

I don't know how you feel about Britney Spears, but I really like her. I'm totally excited that she's made an awesome comeback and I've found some inspiration in her songs. It's interesting because in intermediate and high school, I didn't like her, but I liked her music. I hated when people said that about *NSYNC. I just didn't understand how that worked, until I felt the same way about Britney.

On her latest album, "Circus" there is a song called "Out From Under." I've had it for about 6 months now and never realized what the song was talking about. I've listened to the whole album repeatedly, but there was only a few songs that I really listened to. This one in particular, became a favorite over the last week. It came to me one morning. I woke up singing, "from under, from under," which is part of the chorus. But, I didn't know the words to the song. Those were the only words I knew. I thought about it all day, and finally decided to listen to it. Once I did, I was so happy to find the words to express what I was feeling at that moment. My roller coaster ride down "memory lane" brought on feelings that I didn't know what to do w/. After listening to this song, it gave me the strength I needed to heal and move on. It's on my playlist, to the right.

"Out From Under "

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
You're the one who could have been
And my eyes see it all so clear
It was so long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don't look back

[Chorus]
I don't want to dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I'm out from under
I don't want to feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I'll get it all figured out
When I'm out from under
(from under, from under, from under, from under)

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I'll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I've told a thousand times

[Chorus]

And part of me still believes
When you say you're gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we've tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

[Chorus]
From under, from under, from under, from under

Don't underestimate the power of music! I feel that the reason it's such a huge thing in everyone's life, is because we are able to convey so much emotion through it. Of course the written word itself is able to convey just as much emotion but I feel that it's the words combined w/ the music that give it a more powerful meaning. Think about all the times that you experienced, that were hard. What got you through it? I bet that, other than family and friends, it was music or "that" song. Seriously... think about it. Tell me what you think. Tell me what it was. Tell me, how you deal w/ things now. No doubt... music is in there somewhere. Think about it, "food for thought." Be strong, be happy, and find the joy in your life!

E Komo Mai!

Aloha, and welcome to my blog! I am so excited that you've stopped by. Here's to a new hobby, and fun times!

A quick disclaimer- I am random and often my thoughts don't always relate. So as you read, do not be surprised on how twisted my comments and stories become. By twisted I mean, how fast it turns into something else, without warning. But in the end, it usually connects... somehow.

I assume that whoever is reading this, already knows me, so there isn't much point of going into a whole life story. If you are someone I don't already know, then this will be a new experience for the both of us. You'll just have to catch up and try to put things together as we go. :)

Life thus far has been a... roller coaster ride of emotions. Recently I took an unexpected trip down "memory lane." It's almost as if I was thrown on a plane, not knowing my destination and not being anywhere near prepared for it. However, this unexpected trip was one of self-discovery and growth. It's amazing how life throws situations at you. Sometimes you are able to catch it, and other times, you get hit in the face hard. I haven't fully realized yet, if I caught this one or if my face actually is hurting from lack of catching. Only time will tell, but at least for now, nothing is flying at my face, full speed.

There are a few people in my life that have become my "go to" sources. These wonderful ladies have been my source of inspiration, insight, and for lack of a better word, logic. I always seem to know what they will say, but it somehow is always different and kind of an "a-ha" moment when they are the ones that say it to me. I guess what I'm saying is.. thanks for being there and thanks for always understanding me, even when I don't understand, myself. And for anyone who has their own "go to" people, don't underestimate them. They have become your "go to" people for a reason. Love them, show them that you love them, and be there for THEM. One of these wonderful ladies told me something today that I want to share w/ you. During our conversation, I mentioned that I felt like a turtle in the situation I was dealing w/. Where it was stuck on my back and I was moving so slowly forward, still attached to it. She then said, "I like to think of you as a hermit crab, where you can leave the old shell behind and find a bigger shell, so you can grow." She later said, "don't let other people dictate how valuable you are."


So, in a nut shell... remember that when life comes at you fast and hard, you're not alone. You have so many people behind you and around you, that are more than willing to back you up. You have a team, remember that there is no "I" in team. Life is easier when others are there to pick you up when you've fallen hard, because you couldn't catch what was thrown at you. Try not to hold on to things for so long. I know I do. I hang on to things w/ such a vice grip that it's almost impossible to pry it from my hands. I'm trying this new thing of letting go. Definitely not an easy concept for me, but something I am desperately trying to acheive. I'm not talking about holding grudges, I'm talking about holding on to the past. Just let it go. Free yourself and free anyone or anything that has kept you from moving on. You can do it!

I better end this. Otherwise this will become the longest post, ever written. :) Thanks for coming by and I hope you will continue to do so. Be strong, be happy, and find the joy in your life!