Dear Diary- Have you ever been hurt so bad that it takes too long to get over it? Have you ever thought that after years of hurt, you're "okay" only to learn that you really aren't? Well, I know I've talked about this before, but I don't know how to make it go away.
Why the whole "dear diary" thing? I just finished watching "Tyler Perry's; Diary of a Mad Black Woman." I've seen about half of it on TV and finally rented it and watched it all the way through. It's interesting to watch something in a movie or a TV show, that is so similar to something that you've lived through. One part in particular, stuck out to me.
Myrtle: You know I know this man put a hurtin' on you baby, but you've got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you've got to forgive him - not for him, but for you.
Helen: Forgive him for me?Myrtle: When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.
How much truer can it get? I've tried and thought it worked but I guess not. I know that one of these days I will forgive. Never forget, I'm sure, but once I forgive him, I NEED to forgive myself too! It's so hard! Strength will be on my side and I will overcome. I cannot let this have any kind of power over me. I want to be done.
In the movie, Helen is thrown out of her home after 18 years of marriage. She finally is moving on and taking care of herself and becoming the woman she didn't know she was. One day she sees on TV that her soon to be ex-husband, had been shot. She finds out that because he was shot in the back, the bullets were close to his spine. After surgery it left him temporarily paralyzed. She basically runs back to him and takes care of him, but not after hurting him first. Making him see the error of his ways in the way he treated her and what not. I was so mad at her for leaving the new man that she fell in love w/ for the one that practically damaged her. But in all honesty, I could relate. I was upset at myself for it, but it happens.
One day, I will forgive him. One day, I will forgive myself. One day, will be sooner than later! One day, will become... today!
Be strong, be happy, and find the joy in your life!
Oh, Honey!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously... it's so true. The hardest part for me was (and still is) forgiving myself. When someone hurts you REALLY bad, the only thing that can heal it is time and personal perseverance. You can do it!!! Love you sis!